#— thread | the absurd hero’s refusal to hope becomes his singular ability to live in the present with passion

[moved--naitfall]

continued ask | Porco @jxwz & Levi

Immediately, Porco clips his mouth shut and drops into the nearest chair available. Even if he is already healing—steam spilling out from between his fingers, his bloody bicep clutched tight to his side—there's no way he's going to argue with the Captain. An order is still an order and Porco didn't get this far by disobeying them and defying his superiors. He's not an idiot.

"Sir." It is the only thing he says; his respect shown, authority acknowledged. An effort he hopes that will steer him out from the center of the Captain's ire. And at least the blood on the floor won't stay there for long. . .

They were humans. Alongside them, alongside the soldiers of the Survey Corps, fought those with the power of titans— to transform, to heal, to survive when all hope was lost. The thin line between humans and human-eating monsters shall never be crossed, the warriors' nature, their birth and rights as human beings, shall never be questioned, else their own humanity would be the one to doubt, and Levi had seen with his own eyes countless monsters wearing human skin. They weren’t tools to use until they’d break, to endure such pain and suffering. To be seen as someone inhuman, both a monster and a tool— ‘humanity’s strongest soldier’ wasn’t unfamiliar to that.

He shouldn’t have been worried, and yet he couldn’t divert his eyes when looking at a young soldier, HIS soldier, suffering in pain as if it were natural, whose injuries could have put his life in danger. In disgust he’d stare, for how absurd was the sight before him, yet incredible, to witness wounds close. It was disgust, at the proof of a world that wouldn’t make any sense, and their efforts to give up on reason for the sake of survival.

His intended grouchy mood was cut off by complete obedience. ❝ Make sure you don't die. ❞ He had enough suicidal brats to watch over.

[moved-naitfall]

plotted starter with @osmosisdreams / Eren Yeager & Levi Ackerman (Post-Canon AU)

After a lifetime of war, of questioning who the real enemy was ( taking different shapes, titans or humans, Eldia or Marley, Zeke or Eren ), they had found themselves giving in to a false sense of peace. The world was still in chaos, humanity having once again not learnt from past mistakes, of the consequences of war, plans to repeat past catastrophes already set in motion. It was an inseparable part of the human nature after all, to seek to destroy one another. An irresistible desire that'd dominate those who had been wronged by fate.

Levi had known such darkness from a very young age. Personal was his experience with resentment, having spent his youth in a hole in the dirt, believing he deserved better, and willing to step over as many corpses as it took, to earn what he should have had. That man had no conscience, no interest in the wellbeing of others, of dedicating his heart to a selfless cause. It took a great amount of agony to see himself in the mirror, and change who he was. Those who had nothing, who had lost everything, were dangerous, and they lived in dangerous times where everyone had already lost most of themselves. What future held for them and those to come, was a mystery none dared to discover.

❝ What took you so long? ❞ he mumbled, walking in with his cane in hand. He hadn't been waiting for long at Eren's doorstep since he knocked, but the pain in his leg grew worse for every second he remained standing. He tried to walk more these days, so he could regain part of his strength, get back on his feet — literally. There was almost no improvement in the last few months, having probably reached the limit of his abilities. ❝ Were you taking a shit or something? ❞ His bitterness remained at its usual levels, but the veteran was struggling hard not to let any more poison spill. Pain dominated most of his thoughts these days, clouding his formerly sharp judgement. It took most of his strength to ground himself, pretend to keep it together. He wasn't familiar after all, with physical pain being as intense and persistent as that of his soul.

He quickly took seat, his gaze directly set on the closed-off curtains. ❝ Open the windows. Let some fresh air in. It's as if somebody died in here. ❞ And it had. And the poison had escaped him. He consciously bore a rare air of criticism, of wanting him to do better. Of wanting Eren not to waste the life he had been forced to give up on years ago. Return among the living. Ironic, wasn't it, for the boy who sought absolute freedom, to reach far beyond the walls, having confined himself in the four walls of his house? Truth was, the war had stripped them both of their wings. Levi had found himself in a different kind of prison than Eren's, that of his own weakened body.

With the same body he had once tasted a glimpse of freedom — the scent of the air beyond the walls. Of becoming one with the wind, of the gentle touch of the warming sunlight. For someone who had no hope to ever set eyes on the blue sky, the moment he had first stepped outside the walls riding his horse, the moment he got to know what was like to have everything and lose it, was the same moment his life mission had been fulfilled. The man he was had to perish, and be reborn as someone new. Someone whose purpose was to fulfill the dreams of others, instead. And now, after many years his role was over. He couldn't be of any use in his pitiful state. The distance between everyone he had known grew further every day as they searched for their own path, rebuild their new lives, while his own had long reached its dead end. Each passing day seemed to bring him closer to everyone he had lost. When he'd reunite with them was unknown, yet felt far more closer than when he was still risking his life in the battlefield.

[naitfall]

continued ask || Eren ( @centuricnis ) & Levi

eren hadn't really come over to talk. afterall, the last thing he associated levi with was long drawn conversations. still, his presence was a comfort to him and the brunet found himself gravitating to wherever his captain was when he needed a moment to just gather himself. sometimes eren had wished they'd never found what his father had hidden in that cellar. it seemed to make everything so much more complicated in his mind. what was the point of it all?

he grimaced and sighed softly in defeat. just trying to figure it all out made his head hurt. instead, teal eyes flicker over to the shorter man, taking in his familiar frame with the almost ever present furrow in his brows. sometimes he wants to just reach up to smooth it out and his fingers twitch with the sudden compulsion to. he curls them into a fist to avoid doing something idiotic.

"that's okay... we don't have to talk," he finally replies after what's probably been a minute of silence. "i came over here for the quiet, anyway."

Unusually bright was the starry night sky. One could not directly stare at the moon for long, as if meaning to challenge the sun. On nights like this, he was reminded of them. On the spot Eren had taken seat, used to be Isabel. She'd laugh and excitedly swing her legs, her desire for life radiating even long after she was gone, even to this day, where she kept on living in his memories. On nights like this, his silence carried an air of melancholy that kept most at distance. But not him, as if intending to defy any and all boundaries he had set, and most hadn’t yet dared to cross.

He wouldn’t submit to orders, wouldn’t back away in the face of danger. He didn’t know when to retreat, charging into a battle he was certain to lose. And yet, for once Levi didn’t wish to fight back. For once, he didn’t mind losing to a persistent brat who hadn’t heard of personal space before, and indiscreetly kept staring as if he could see right through him. As if he claimed to understand, to accept, the parts Levi kept for himself, for long nights where he could look at the stars and recall the dreams he once had, dreams that had long died with the last of his family.

❝ You should get some sleep. ❞ To anyone else, it’d seem like he wanted him to leave. He didn’t. ❝ It's late. ❞

[naitfall]

Selfish, was human nature. Frail and ephemeral were their lives, and desperately they'd snatch anything they could lay their hands on, anything within their reach in this short chance at living — was it money, power, or the love and affection of another. It was natural, to be guided by one's own feelings alone. 

Levi was human. Most chose to deny that reality (himself included), the truth that the man they had entrusted their hopes and dreams wasn't invincible, someone who could easily die at any moment, someone who had feelings of his own. Levi was selfish, and Eren had seen it, for he had kept his eyes on him for far too long, trying to understand him, as if another of his acts of rebellion. ‘ Eren, look past your own feelings. ’ Since when could he lie so easily? He was no different, weak at heart, easy to place the blame on someone else. ‘ Why did YOU hesitate before handing over the injection? ’ The look of betrayal in his eyes. He had seen right through him. That he could still hope. ‘ I don't see how you could ever have predicted that Floch would bring the dying Commander here. ’ Eren was right. 

He had followed Erwin because he believed him to be different. Never in his life had Levi felt humiliated in the presence of someone. He couldn't understand where those eyes of his stared at. What he could see, what he fought for, how much of himself he had thrown away for a cause Levi once believed to be utterly selfless. He had chosen to join him, on the day he lost everything, because he failed to understand him. And yet, it was towards the end, when the mystery of his existence began to unfold before him. Kenny had given him the answer. He was no devil, he was human too, drunk on something to keep pushing on. A childhood dream, a dream he'd sacrifice everything for, even humanity. 

‘ Give up on your dreams and charge to your death. ’ He had made the choice for him. The selfless choice Erwin couldn't make himself. To save Armin, was Levi’s own selfish choice. He had chosen to save the boy, and let Erwin rest.

Ridiculous, for him to feel indebted, even when it wasn't ( was it? ) his intention to save him. To be met with eyes filled with gratitude, but also guilt — the guilt Levi couldn’t afford to dwell on. He'd wear his insecurities as apparent as ever. Doubting himself at every chance, the opposite of Erwin. Searching for meaning and sense, in a world seemingly lacking both. ❝ Why would I be? ❞ He leaned with his back against the wall, ice-blue eyes locked with his. He wanted him to openly admit those feelings, before they started to eat him away, before that self-consciousness of his became his downfall. Levi didn’t intend to give him the answer he wanted to hear. The answer where he could blame himself, for his choices.

the light in the infirmary is bright and warmthless, reflecting blindingly off the white sheets tucked into the mattress beneath where he sits, hands clutching wrinkles into the fabric.

he had insisted on being examined on return from shinganshina, convinced there was something wrong with him still. you can't get within a hair's width of death and come back fine, as if nothing had even happened. they'd looked him over top to bottom, listened to his heartbeat, made him take deep breaths to listen to his lungs and stick his tongue out to check his throat. n͟o͟t͟h͟i͟n͟g͟.

even so, he can't shake the feeling now that there is still something wrong with him. wrong with his s͟t͟o͟m͟a͟c͟h͟, he thinks. he hasn't eaten much since then, not when a crunch feels like bone and a tear like tendon. even so, hunger is not the name for what he's feeling.

he looks up as the captain appears in the doorway, a sea of emotions washing over him. he tries to pick them out as they pass by, give himself some sense of knowing, some sense of control over himself in all of this. relief, guilt, comfort all float by like buoys, islands he can name amongst the indiscernable waves of everything else that batter him breathless still.

@naitfall says: take some deep breaths. it's over.

as if on cue, he lets go of the air held tightly in his lungs reflexively, as if those simple words have lifted weight from his chest. everyone has either been treating him like a pariah or china, something to stare at and whisper about or something to coddle and tiptoe around. armin is simply relieved that levi manages to treat him like a human being when even he can't manage to give himself that grace ( as if he ever has ). he doesn't deserve it, and from levi least of all.

" i know. thank you, " he answers, feeling his expression try to form something resembling an understanding smile, proof that he's alright. it's probably transparent to the captain, who can cut to people's cores as easily as he can to a nape, and armin doesn't let it linger long enough to give him the chance to call him on it first. " i would understand, you know, " he says, much quieter now as his gaze averts, " if you were upset with me. "

[moved--naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

❛   volumes .   gaze  at  my  muse  in  a  way  that  silently  says  ‘i love you’ . - farlan c:

𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃  &  𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐅𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

He couldn’t help but wonder: what was Farlan staring at, wearing such an expression? What was that he saw and where could their perceptions differ? Both curious and unwilling to find out, his nature once again proving to be impossible to decipher. Unwilling, for he believed it was better if he couldn’t see himself clearly — if he didn’t know where his heart found shelter (in his hands, Farlan’s hands). If he didn’t know he was still weak, and could break at any moment, as easy as it was to lose him.

Maybe their hearts weren’t meant to align. A sacrifice he’d make, for his sake. Levi would turn his attention elsewhere, in the opposite direction of Farlan, avoiding his gaze, quite blatantly at that. Resisting to be held captive, give in to hope, the most destructive of human emotions. He needed to be free, to ensure a future for them both. He’d fight against him, the hardest of battles, he’d march forward, to a pace he couldn’t match, clear up the road ahead of all monsters. Didn’t Farlan realize the reason he kept trying to escape him? Or was he more interested in winning this game? A game he had won long ago.

A battle whose outcome had already been decided, where Levi was the loser. Yet he’d refuse to accept his defeat, stubborn as he’s always been, pretending those eyes hadn’t an effect on him. Eyes carrying light, even when having only known darkness. Truth was, Levi wouldn’t have minded to never get to the surface, for he had his own source of light. A light he’d protect at all cost. He couldn’t keep up his act for long, his attention back at him, met with a sight he couldn’t possibly any longer pretend to ignore. He could still be holding such warmth in his eyes. How unfortunate for Farlan, to be met with absolute coldness. Levi couldn’t be any other way, he couldn’t change the way he carried himself — couldn't soften his edges.

Maybe, he should try a different approach. ❝ What is it? ❞ Shamelessly confronted, despite knowing the answer to his question.

[moved-naitfall]

continuing this answered ask ( blame legacy/beta editor ) / @lovepurposed

Such wonders, creatures like him were. Dreamers never seized to intrigue Levi, strangely having crossed paths with many — was his bitter persona a magnet? Come to think of it, wasn't almost everyone guided by their dreams? Dreams of success, of happiness, of peace, or fulfillment. Everyone had to be drunk on something to keep pushing forward. And when these would begin to fade, when reality would crush their heart, all innocence would rest with their hopes. A dim future would await, of dead and unfulfilled promises, and a single wish: to simply manage to get through.

Francis was different, though. Not surrendering to the cruelty to rule their world, but choosing to live in his own, instead. What were his dreams made of? He hadn't seen many times before such dedication, such desire to feel, and experience everything. A double-edged blade — what would happen of him, a mystery to Levi. So he wished to be there, and observe closely. “ I spotted a certain someone fooling around, and followed his steps. ” The streets were dangerous at a time like this, and the other didn't seem to care the least. “ I'll give you a lift. Unless you prefer to catch a cold. ”

[naitfall]

@gyofukuki asked:

⏳️(from Historia aHHH~~)

Send ⏳️ for your muse to meet the younger version of my muse

Angels. His mother has spoken of angels before. Creatures of light, who watched over them, creatures she believed would protect them. A mystery was his mother's nature, how she could still cling to hope and innocence, despite having been doomed to darkness. Levi claimed to know the cruel truth, even if he had never spoken of it — there were no angels watching over them, at least not for him and his mother, or else they wouldn't let her slowly rot, mind and body alike. Angels came only when it was far too late, when it was their time to leave so that they could collect the souls of the living.

The door had swung open, light forcing its way in, illuminating the dark room. Instinctively Levi brought his knees closer to his chest, as if to hide away from the intensity of it, like the shadow he had become, as if the last of him would fade away if met with such violent light. A beautiful young woman wearing a white dress stood by the doorway. Had he seen her before? He hadn't, for he wouldn't forget anyone who shone as brilliantly as her, brilliant like the sun — he could only imagine its radiance and yet, she exceeded his imagination. There was no mistaking the reason she had come.

The last time an angel had visited them, Levi was asleep. When he awoke, her skin had grown cold— she wouldn't be feverish anymore. When he called her, she wouldn't respond or flinch in her sleep. His mother had left without getting the chance to say goodbye. The boy hadn't been able to sleep ever since. He wanted to speak, to ask the lady standing before him, why she didn't wake him up when she last came, but he couldn't force himself to speak. His eyes hurt, far too accustomed to the darkness, watching as her frame approached him. Unfocused, clouded was his gaze, and yet he couldn't look anywhere else but her blurry image.

He was soon to reunite with his mother. That’s why she had come, wasn’t it? Because he was close to dying. Maybe, there was mercy after all. His mother shouldn’t suffer anymore. She wouldn’t struggle to breathe, or cry in pain any longer. Maybe, death was the only escape creatures like her could offer. He took a deep shaky breath, as if the first he'd taken in a very long time. He was ready.

[naitfall]

Monster. A monster he was called his entire life. His soldiers, those he’d sacrifice his life for, would openly question his humanity. Some would doubt the existence of his human heart, malicious and bitter at the loss of the comrades they couldn’t save, searching for a culprit that’d passively take the blame. Others were delusional, claiming he wasn't mortal, wouldn’t die in battle, his life not endangered like theirs, for desperately wanting to believe in his strength, in his ability to survive when all hope was lost, so he could carry their dying wishes to the end. A monster he had been, to those in the underground as well. This boy is a monster. Stay away from him. This man isn’t human. Whether he used his blade to slice one’s throat, or a titan’s neck, whether he fought in the name of humanity, or to protect his family, to kill and protect, were one and the same — his talent, a curse, his extraordinary ability to KILL. To always be looked at with eyes that spoke of both awe and terror.

Levi didn't often speak, he listened, listened to the loud conversations of those he was interested in, whether they spoke of a bunch of bullshit or deep matters beyond his comprehension. Ever since returning from Shinganshina, ever since the sacrifice of their commander and the majority of the survey corps, nothing had remained the same, the once comforting short breaks of silence, having turned to long never-ending disturbing periods of time. Even Hange, the loudest of them all, had grown quiet. Levi disliked pointless talk and never actively sought to start a conversation. Yet, Oda’s presence offered the peace of mind to listen to himself clearly, and say what’s been on his mind— a rare occasion of vulnerability (vulnerability in Levi’s understanding). He didn’t value most opinions. Anyone had one of their own, and all of them held part of the truth with it. But he wanted to hear Oda’s thoughts.

In his eyes, or the eyes of others? ❝ Beats me. No perception is anywhere close to reality. ❞ There was another question he should have asked instead: What to call a man who was ready to sacrifice their humanity for the cause that’d give their life meaning and purpose?

A monster they called Erwin, yet Levi had never seen him as one. No monster, nor human. A deceiving creature, his nature wrapped in mystery. He had followed him, because he couldn’t understand him, couldn’t slice through flesh, see what rested inside of him. How had he, even if unwillingly, looked down on him, humiliated him, when Levi screamed and cried for the loss of everything that had ever mattered to him. Where those eyes of his stare at? How could he keep on fighting when everything was lost? Unbeknownst to Levi when he decided to join him, how utterly human he had been, chasing his own childish dream. ‘When he finds nothing really worth protecting anymore, succumbing to the ugliness of it all.’ Maybe, what made a man a monster, was to live devoid of any hope and dreams. Maybe, Kenny was right all along. They all needed to be drunk on something, to call themselves human. Maybe Erwin would have truly become a monster if he had let him live, and reached that dream of his.

He wouldn’t regret his choice. Not ever.

Satisfied with the answer, he took a sip of his tea, finally meeting with Oda’s eyes, less troubled than he was a moment ago. ❝ I don’t think you do. I sure as hell don’t. ❞ Because Oda wouldn't be intimidated by the darkness of the human soul, familiar to it as much as he was, and yearning to explore its depths.

@naitfall asked:

❛ When does a man become a monster? ❜ ( . . . for Oda? 👉👈 I had to )

"In his eyes, or the eyes of others?" He questions, looking down his glass as if it was a barrel of a gun - no fear, but a whole sea of regrets. He has a sense where the question is coming from, but hesitates to make sure. Not that he's that scared of Levi or worried for him. It was more of a self-centred concern. Once the topic is breached, they'll never be able to pretend it wasn't. Oda least of the both of them; once he got the wheels turning there was no stopping until he reached the conclusion that felt right, a way to proceed. Tempting as it was to put that off for a day or two more, sit in the stillness of it all for a while, it was already too late.

The question was asked, and demanded an answer.

„Maybe when he no longer grieves having to make a distinction between those who he will protect with his life, and those who he won't. The distinction between those who he'll fight to protect, and those who'll die for it. Or, you know what, maybe later still? When he finds nothing really worth protecting anymore, succumbing to the ugliness of it all. Unable to see and feel anything but the darkness of his own doing.” He took a big gulp of tea to prevent his throat closing down on him. And though his expression became wholly pain-stricken, he still forced a little smile by the end. „What makes you think I would know?”

.

[moved--naitfall]

@decidentia asked:

❛   patch .   help  my  muse  patch  up  a  wound . – from Eld!

𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃  &  𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐅𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

His heartbeat had risen slightly, his eyes narrowed for a second, his composure lost only for a moment, pain not distracting him from taking out his opponent ( an abnormal, who had entered their formation ). When the sun set, and they had the luxury to finally set their feet on the ground, Levi allowed his squad to address the injury he had sustained. A deep cut at the side of his stomach had slowed him down, even if by little. Eld was the first to approach. The most confident when he was around — was it the rest of them were still scared of him, his temper, his reactions? Does it hurt? ❝ What do you think? ❞ Well, no wonder why they were so tense in his presence. 

He could have handled it on his own — too many years spent fighting on the streets, too much blood spilt, many injuries sewn, and only his life to be responsible for. The battlefield changed, the purpose he’d chosen to serve, now responsible for the life of others instead ( ensure their protection, their growth, make sure they wouldn’t sacrifice their lives for a worthless cause ) — but alone again Levi would stand among enemies. His conscious choice was, to keep advancing forward, move fast, so none would catch up to his pace — it was dangerous to stay close. Yet, last time he took a moment to look back, he’d see them, his squad, chasing after him. Maybe, it wouldn't be that bad, to slow down every once in a while — let them treat his injuries (visible or not), so he could treat theirs as well. 

Most soldiers would grow uneasy when witnessing their superior getting hurt, but not them, and if they were, they were good at masking their fear, matching their leader. Most soldiers relied on someone else to make their choices for them, to take responsibility for their lives — quite common when on a battlefield, to lose trust in one's self, to look for who was more skilled and experienced. They were different, arrogant enough to know they could do well on their own, their strength as a team almost equal to his, and ready to give up on everything to keep moving forward.

Silently they sat by the campfire, as Eld worked on cleaning his injury of any dried blood. Levi could have done it on his own, yet instinctively he had given in. He was bleeding too. He was no different, and neither were they. His weak nature, his humanity, the Captain carried with pride, a rare sight a chosen few got to witness, and a lesson he wanted to teach them. Humanity's strongest soldier. His strength, inhuman. A monster. Even a devil, to some. Cruel, for his humanity to be questioned, when it was monsters he fought against, risking his life just like everyone else in the Survey Corps. Invincible? He wasn't. His life would hang by a thread, just like the rest of them. He wouldn't sacrifice any less, or be worth more.

That much was enough, though. ❝ I'll take over from here. ❞ Enough of himself put on display. Before the balance was disturbed, he retreated back to his usual manners. ❝ I can stitch it on my own. You should rest. ❞

[moved-naitfall]

tag drop #1

—◆ visuals | perhaps cherries look violent in the sunlight ( you are all honey & rage ). perhaps you should let the moon be your courier

—◆ thread | the absurd hero’s refusal to hope becomes his singular ability to live in the present with passion

—◆ ic | that means i'm abnormal. . . probably because i've seen far too many abnormal things

—◆ queue | some ancient call that i've answered before

—◆ memes | make a choice you won't regret

—◆ dashboard game | it's the cracks that let the light shine through

—◆ headcanon | i will not bare my soul to their shallow prying eyes. my heart shall never be put under their microscope

—◆ wishlist | even so. here i am. waiting impatiently for the day when i can touch the light

—◆ crack | i was gonna put my password to ‘levi’ but it was too short

—◆ character study | somebody inside of me has always tried ( with all his strength ) to be nobody

—◆ aesthetic | a world illuminated by the sun. a world bathed in light

[naitfall]

tag drop #1

[moved--naitfall]

@worldhell asked:

‘regress’ for whoever you feeling on my side ! eye emote

Send ‘regress’ to meet my muse as a child.

from my archived blog. maybe farlan paid a visit in levi's head? maybe it's time travel? levi hallucinating/dreaming about what's about to come? still, I needed to throw my child @ ya

Hollow and weary, ice blue eyes, unfocused due to absolute exhaustion, contradicting their usual sharpness, met with the kind gaze of someone he was supposed to know, someone he was going to meet, and trust with his humanity (the remnants of it, when the world desperately tried to take it away from him, so the man could be shaped to a tool). Unbeknownst to the child not only there were many years left for him to live, too much to lose, but also someone worth living for, patiently waiting for their lives to align.

Levi's figure was small for his age. He was young, not older than ten, but one could easily mistake him for a six-year-old. Much easier to prey on. Soft dark hair was on shoulder-length. His mother, skilled with scissors couldn't cut it for him for a long time, and Levi didn't care enough to do this on his own. He'd wear a white dress that didn't belong to him — to keep her scent close to his body, her warmth, for as long as he could, now that her hands had grown cold, and he wouldn't find comfort in her embrace ever again.

He could barely stand on his feet. He hadn't eaten for days, and slowly but steadily he was losing his ability to think. He preferred it that way, if his heart wouldn't hurt this much. It'd be an easy death. He hadn't anything else to do with his life after all, now that his only source of light was gone. Had she suffered in her last moments? Was she in pain? For long his mother had suffered, for months slowly fading bit by bit, but had she found a tiny bit of peace before leaving? Soon he'd know. It was decided after all. The weak wouldn't survive for long.

He hadn't the strength to speak, and he rarely did. There was nothing worth saying, and people never listened. But the man stood there, watching him with eyes that held a familiar warmth. What could he possibly want from him? ❝ Who are you? ❞

[ar-knightinsourarmor]

@harbringerofdecay liked my bnha levi starter call ( and got a rude asshole thief in return ):

All men are not created equal. This was the cruel truth of their world, one had to settle with, in order to survive. Quirks were the real curse of their society, forcing them to adjust to a new order of things, one humanity wasn't prepared to face. When heroes are needed, that is when civilization has reached its lowest point and Levi confirmed his beliefs every single day. Every day, as he'd fight for his own survival.

His eyes had been following the boy for a while now. Nobody approached him, even if many would glance with worry at him. As long as there were heroes around, it shouldn't be their business. How convenient, to rely on somebody else, right ? Fake was their concern, as fake was the peace they believed in. It was when the child disappeared from the crowd, heading into an abandoned alley, that the man made his presence known.

Kneeling right in front of him, his eyes searched for any visible injuries. “ Oi, brat. ” He couldn't tell what had happened to him, but from the look on his face, he could assume nobody would be looking for him. He could recognize the eyes of someone having lost everything. “ You look like shit. ” Too bad for the kid, having to settle with somebody like him, for the time being. “ Now, why don't you stand up. A bath is what you need the most right now, ” he said, extending his hand towards him.

[a-darknessbaund]

@luxaeterna | a ‘ levi chooses to revive erwin’ au we had discussed a LONG time ago. forgive me for tagging you in this shit.

The beast had escaped. The Survey Corps had been nearly annihilated. Armin, a valuable soldier had died. Eren's and Mikasa's cries could be heard from a mile away and there was nothing he could say to ease their pain. Levi wouldn't regret his choice. The decision entrusted to him by this man wouldn't have changed. He couldn't have done otherwise, he couldn't have sacrificed Erwin. In a future they couldn't predict, with too many unknowns to await them, they needed a man with a vision and the determination to break through all barriers. Humanity couldn't march forward without a devil to guide them. Without Erwin at the wheel of this war. Their hope, HIS hope, laid on the shoulders of this man, and not he, nor Hange could have been prepared for what was going to come.

He didn't act on sentiment, like Eren believed. He couldn't have let emotion cloud his judgement. If Levi had given up on being a soldier, if even for a moment he allowed his heart to be shaken by grief, and lead him to a different decision, he would have lost all reason to live. If he did use the syringe selfishly, he would have let him go. He would have let him rest with his dreams, freed from the cruelty of their world. Instead, he chose to bring him back, drag him down to the shitty hole they'd fight for their survival. “ Welcome back, Erwin. ” He watched him as he'd open his eyes, having knelt by his side. Empty eyes searched for the familiar blue, the one he thought he wouldn't see again, not in this life. Exhaustion had taken over. The battle had worn him out. Those kids, screaming right in front of his face to save their childhood friend, the soldiers lost, the decision lying on him. His failure, to give meaning to their sacrifice. Everything had been weighing on him.

Erwin would awake in a different world, and Levi was the cause. “ You were sleeping for far too long. I thought you were dead. ” He was being more sarcastic than any other time, even though the last he felt was making humor. “ You look like a damn lizard, you know that? It's disgusting. ” he said, staring at the arm to have grown back, extending his own for him to take.

[moved--naitfall]

@massensterben : continued thread

To humiliate a soul— there wasn't anything more inhuman than that. To break one’s body and soul, shatter to pieces that wouldn’t ever find their proper place. He couldn’t be put back the way he was, could never return to who he used to be. Levi was familiar with such agony. Standing at the edge of a cliff, with one single choice: to survive at the cost of everything he’s been, to take one step forward and FALL.

His first expedition beyond the walls, a series of choices, losing the last of his family— if only he hadn’t come across this devil. Erwin. His pride was to blame. And yet, that man he wished to kill claimed it wasn’t. Never in his life, had Levi felt as if he belonged with the dirt. On his knees, wanting to scream for the loss of the last two people who gave meaning to his dreams, humiliated, while before him stood a man who couldn’t afford to be as selfish as he was. If it weren’t for this devil, Levi wouldn’t have dedicated himself to humanity. He wouldn’t have denied who he was, for the sake of understanding him, of becoming a tool for his purpose. People didn’t break from torture alone — the loss of hope and dreams, a noose he had tightened around his neck on that day, a leash he had given to his hands to hold. Levi had made the choice to sell his soul. And Bertholdt had made his own.

They had become devils, the monsters the world feared they were. When does a reason become the blame? He’s not asking the boy before him. Maybe he was, hell if he knew, he had spoken before he understood the real meaning behind his own words, his blood boiling at the sight of the state he had found him in, sick at the sight of what happened of him, the ugliness of his own people to justify such cruelty. He was told to stay away. Was it because they feared if he were to approach him, he'd kill him? He wouldn't hold back, break him to the point there wouldn't be any use of him? No. The reason Hange had given him such an order was because they knew he wouldn't stand the sight of him. Levi had dedicated himself to humanity, yet there was nothing human in this madness. They had gone astray, and he didn’t know if there was a way to go back.

They were children. There was no justifying the torture he had gone through, because the truth was — and Levi wasn’t blinded by resentment nor fear to fail to see clearly — when they breached Wall Maria, they were young children, who weren’t prepared to carry the weight of their sins, the loss of countless lives. He still was a child, someone doomed to lose his life young. He wouldn’t look down on him, even if still an enemy he’d kill the moment he seemed to become a threat. Levi had killed, when he was much younger than him, for reasons less justified, revenge against a world that had taken everything from him, a world he wanted to spit on. He never regretted the lives he took while fighting for his life in the underground. He never regretted the lives he sacrificed, for the Survey Corps to advance one tiny step forward. Or so he wanted to believe. Yet the boy before him was drowning in regret long before he was stripped of his freedom.

He didn’t claim to forgive the Colossal Titan. If in his place was Zeke, if he was the one treated like an animal, it would have been different, for he had seen with his own eyes the lack of humanity in him, the animal he truly was. But he truly believed Bertholdt deserved a more merciful end. Absurd, ridiculous, insane, to consider killing an act of mercy. They had all lost their minds in this war. They were all desperate. Trapped in the same cell they had locked him in, terrified of what their fate was, broken beyond repair. They were the same as him, prisoners, cornered prey, desperate to see the light of one more day, for their suffering to end. They were the same as him, else they wouldn’t have treated him with such barbarity.

He dropped to one knee, lowering to meet his gaze. He couldn’t say anything. Couldn't promise him freedom. Couldn't promise him his suffering would soon end. Because, even if the torture did end, he'd never return at being the same. If only he could look into his eyes, not in fear, but as if staring inside a mirror, for he knew the horrors he held inside him. ❝ Is there still a home you want to return to? ❞ If there was, there was still saving him, even a small part of him. For Levi there wasn't. ❝ Don’t look at me like that. There’s no right answer. Just spit it out. ❞

You start to get really fucking grateful around here. It starts with clean water, with gristle and kitchen scraps. You thank them on your knees for a chance to chew. Then sleep. The first time he got to sleep through the night, he woke and wept with gratitude. Voices, light, the sky. Things like that are luxuries he no longer has any right to. They are granted in exchange for his cooperation, for his willingness to crawl. And god, he is willing. They have made him willing.

Bertholdt is told he has been in Paradisian custody for ten months. Emaciated and haggard, he bears the signs of his redemption on his body. There are scars on his skin, for the first time. There are holes in his mind that have been punched in by Commander Hange. Ten months of suffering is nothing, of course, compared to the pain he brought to these people. Ten months of rot and screaming, what does that amount to? No, if Bertholdt wants to live at all, then he must offer more. —He has offered. After months in darkness, starved and beaten and pissed on, Bertholdt finally began to talk. And he didn’t stop talking, did he? He quickly learned that the more he said, the more time Commander Hange would spend with him, which meant that the guards could not have free rein over their own brand of vengeance.

Perhaps he should have preferred to die a patriot’s death. But he was only sixteen years old.

But Bertholdt talked. Bertholdt talked himself out of the confines, out of the torture cell, out of the naked frightened animal state. He talked himself out of the dungeons. He begged and promised and wept for everything that was ever demanded of him. He talked himself in front of Captain Levi.

@naitfall says: ❛ When does a reason become the blame? ❜

The question slips into his ear like poison. It is cold and impersonal. It burns him through like acid, some chemical compound. He’s been asked the question before, though differently. How did you justify, how did you justify, how did you justify? He didn’t. He couldn’t.

“We just wanted to get back home. We had to… We didn’t know. I swear we didn’t know.” His voice is some hacked off limb, crawling out of his mouth. He chokes on it. Bertholdt’s eyes are nailed to the captain’s boots. He’s waiting for one to come sailing into his face. He can already taste the blood, the skull-shattering pain. He sees his teeth scattering.

“We were told to retrieve the Founder, by any means necessary. It was never meant to be like this.”

[moved--naitfall]

NIGHTFALL [ ˈnaɪt.fɔːl ] [ noun ]: the onset of night; dusk.

❝ The absurd hero's refusal to hope becomes his singular ability to live in the present with passion. ❞

𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋. a levi ackerman rp blog from snk. featuring modern / reincarnation verses, au verses, and verses from multiple fandoms such as arcane, spn, bnha, bsd, kny & more | penned by reina, she/her, 21+

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